You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
