She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
