and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
