Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
