I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
