Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
