WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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