I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
