Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
