I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
