Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
