The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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