Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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