Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
