i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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