If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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