I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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