i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He passed out mid-signature
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
