Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is Oprah even human
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
