rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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