Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
