Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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