saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
