return my video game
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
