my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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