Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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