Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
