It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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