uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
