Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
