Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
