The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
