Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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