i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
