i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
