weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
