Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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