I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
