I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
