Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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