just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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