Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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