Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
