tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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