but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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