i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
