I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
