Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
