While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
