She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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