Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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