You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
